Wednesday, July 18, 2018

A & E (70)

Hi, it has been a while since the last time I wrote to you. Everything's fine with me. Everything seems to fall to its places happily. Surprisingly, I am happy without you. I once read a Paulo Coelho's quote: 

What has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person - a habit is not a need.

Somehow, it gives me strength.
No, I don't want to know about your life. It's nice to be like this. To be once again a stranger. And no, I don't write this in order for you to read it. Not at all. I write because I want to write. I don't want to share all the ups and downs in the process of making you once again a stranger. I just want to see myself looking at my older self and say: do you want to stay that way or do you want to move on?

Life is indeed a mystery. And to be able to live a beautiful life, we must believe in the One who knows the secret of this mystery. And yes, I am talking about God. The One and Only Healer. Who helps me to see who I am, inside. To make me believe that it is all His designs. Though we call this destiny.

The more I believe in Him, the more relax I become. I have no worries. No regrets. And one more important thing, no imaginary life with you. I accept who I am, what I am. And that's the most beautiful thing I could have. To be center, to be content with myself. Something I thought was missing, since I lost you years ago.

Well, I don't write this so you write me back. I just posted it, and if you read it, that's OK. If you don't, that's OK too.



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Dan Ola menutup layar laptopnya. Dilihatnya ketikan-ketikan jemarinya menghasilkan kata-kata yang tak disangkanya bisa ditulisnya saat ini. Melupakan Elang benar-benar menjadi tantangan hidupnya. Menghindarinya ia tak kuasa. Melepaskan rasa yang adapun seolah fana. Yang ia mampu lakukan adalah menerima semuanya. Kejadian dulu, kejadian sekarang, dan keputusan-keputusan hidup yang telah ia buat, tanpa ada penyesalan. Memang menyakitkan, tapi bukankah semua keindahanpun dihiasi dengan kepedihan? Bukankah kebahagiaan artinya menangis karena syukur?

Ola membiarkan dirinya melepaskan rasa-rasa itu lewat tangisnya. Lewat tulisannya. Dan dia hanya inginkan satu hal. Ketika mereka bertemu lagi, dan jika ternyata rasa itu masih sama, masih ada, ia hanya tersenyum dan mensyukuri rasa itu. Tanpa keinginan untuk memiliki Elang lagi. Ia sudah pernah, dan ia tak bisa lagi..... Desir angin malam mulai terasa dingin. Ola menarik selimutnya lebih tinggi. Jemarinya masih ingin menari di atas tuts merah yang setia menerima keluh kesah dan kegundahannya. Ola bersyukur atas semuanya. Dan dia ingat satu hal, saat ia bisa menerima semuanya, dia akan memiliki inner peace. Saat ini, tak ada yang lebih penting daripada inner peace. Elang bisa datang, Elang boleh pergi, tapi Ola tak bisa mati.

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